Ayo met Tamsin at a wedding in Lagos. The chemistry was instant, the type that makes your friends start teasing you before you even exchange numbers. They texted till 2a.m., laughed about work, shared playlists, and before long, it felt like fate.

But months later, over dinner at a quiet restaurant in Ikeja, Ayo popped the ultimate question to Tamsin, “Will you marry me?” and after she said yes, during their visit to the doctor who asked the question that froze everything mid-smile:  “What are your genotypes?”

That one question changed the course of their love story because, at the end of the day, they were not genotype-compatible.

This kind of conversation rarely happens early. When people meet, they talk about vibe, tribe, dreams, maybe even hobbies, but never about genotype? It almost never comes up. Many couples only discover they are genetically incompatible after they have fallen too deeply in love, sometimes even after engagement.

It is not because people do not care, it is because love feels stronger than science until science interrupts. Then many couples end up birthing children who live the pain they never bargained for.

The numbers behind the heartbreak

Nigeria has one of the highest rates of sickle cell disease in the world. About 150,000 babies are born every year with the condition, according to the World Health Organisation, and millions more carry the AS or AC trait. Experts estimate that one in every four Nigerians carries a sickle cell gene.

When two people with an AS genotype have children, each pregnancy carries a 25 percent chance of producing a child with SS, a painful, lifelong condition.

And yet, love stories like Ayo and Tamsin’s keep recurring. Some couples gamble on hope and religion. Some rely on unverified genotype results. Others hide the truth altogether, hoping “God will do it”. But faith is not a genetic cure, and neither is silence.

Also Read: The emotional turmoil of black tax

In recent years, fake genotype reports have become a heartbreaking trend. Investigations have shown that some labs, desperate for business or under pressure from couples, alter results. The result? Families are forced into lifelong medical battles, physically, emotionally, and financially, all because honesty came too late.

Why it is still hard to talk about

It is easy to say, “People should check their genotypes early.” But in reality, Nigerian dating culture rarely makes space for that. Imagine asking about genotype on the first date, it feels awkward, too serious, even suspicious. But the truth is, those few seconds of discomfort could save years of pain for both partners and offspring.

And the silence does not come from ignorance alone. It is from fear of losing someone you love over something you cannot control.

Sickle cell does not just affect the person living with it. It affects families, relationships, and finances. Treatment is expensive, and emotional strain runs deep. Some parents spend millions each year on hospital bills. Others carry guilt and grief for decisions made in ignorance or love.

Dr Olayemi, a haematologist at Lagos University Teaching Hospital, once said in an interview, “Genotype awareness isn’t just a health issue, it’s a love issue. It’s about how we protect the people we claim to care about.”

Love, but with knowledge

Fortunately, things are changing. New tech platforms and matchmaking apps in Nigeria now include genotype as part of user profiles, helping people make informed choices. Faith-based premarital counselling sessions are also beginning to include genetic testing as a core requirement.

It is not about discouraging love. It is about giving it a fighting chance.

If you are already in love and discover incompatibility, it is not the end. Couples can seek professional counselling, explore assisted reproductive options, or decide to build a different kind of family. What matters is honesty and awareness, the courage to face truth together.

So, next time you meet someone special, by all means, talk about your favourite music, your dreams, your fears, but before it gets too deep, talk about genotype too, it is as important as having connections.

Because sometimes, the most romantic thing you can do for someone is to protect them, and the future you might share, from avoidable pain.

Cynthia Nwanonyiri