Imagine this: you sign up for a dating app, your profile picture is fire, your bio is witty and intriguing, and after a few swipes, you have got a match. The chat goes smoothly, the energy is right, you move to the next stage, and you are already picturing the ‘how we met’ story for your future kids.

Then reality shows up, but reality does not care about your romantic playlist or the happy ever after you made up in your mind. Instead, it comes with awkward first dates, surprise guests, unpaid bills, catfish revelations, and sometimes, full-blown comedy.

Also Read: Reasons snooping on your partner’s phone is a relationship killer

We asked people to share their wildest dating app experiences, and let us just say… love is not the only thing people are finding online. Here is what they told us.

“She showed up with her cousin and left me with the bill” – Damilola, 32

“We had been chatting for weeks, and I was excited to finally meet her. She walked in, but she was not alone. She brought her cousin. I thought, okay, maybe it is for safety.

Then the two of them started ordering food like they had not eaten in days. When the bill came, I was shocked that I had to pay over 100k for just two meals. I was left staring at the receipt, wondering how I had just sponsored a family dinner for strangers.”

“I was catfished by my neighbour” – Sandra, 27

“His pictures looked like something out of a magazine. We talked for weeks, and I was genuinely excited. 

The day we met, my heart dropped. It was my neighbour. He had been catfishing me all along, using someone else’s pictures. And the worst part is that I still had to greet him every morning after that. Imagine waving at your catfish on the way to buy bread.”

“He cried on the first date” – Uchenna, 24

“We had barely started talking when he broke down. Full tears. He told me his girlfriend had just left him and that he was still very much in love with her.

I spent the evening patting his back awkwardly while people stared. I had gone on a date, but somehow I became a therapist. Needless to say, there definitely will not be a second date.”

“He kept speaking in riddles” – Ifeoma, 30

“I swear, the guy thought he was a philosopher. Every question I asked, he answered with a riddle.

I asked, ‘So what do you do?’ and he said, ‘What is a man, if not the sum of his dreams?’

I asked, ‘Where do you live?’ He said, ‘Home is where the heart is.’

I was losing my mind. At some point, I asked if he wanted water, and he said, ‘Water wants us.’ That was when I knew it was over.”

The one-date job interview – Amara, 26

“I thought I was going for a coffee date. Five minutes in, he pulled out a brochure and started talking about ‘financial freedom’ and ‘ground-level opportunity’. Two drinks later, I realised it was not a date at all but a two-hour pitch for his MLM scheme selling health supplements. I left more drained than hydrated.”

“She pretended not to see me” – Kunle, 35

“I recognised her immediately, we had been chatting non-stop for weeks. I waved at her as she walked in, but she looked straight at me and acted like I was invisible.

She sat at another table, ordered food, and never once acknowledged me. Later, she texted, ‘Sorry, I just was not feeling the vibe in person.’ She ghosted me, in real life, while eating on my watch. I didn’t know how to feel, honestly.”

He stole my phone – Sandra, 22

“I matched with this guy who seemed perfect, funny, smart, and we chatted and called for weeks. When we finally met, he asked to ‘quickly’ use my phone since his battery was dead. Next thing I knew, he walked a few steps away… then kept walking. He vanished with my phone. When I tried calling, it was already switched off. That was the day I realised my ‘perfect match’ was actually a thief.”

So, what could go wrong on a dating app? Probably the better question is: what has not? Dating apps are entertaining, sometimes satisfying, and constantly uncertain. Just enjoy the ride, but stay cautious, trust your gut, and maybe…. just maybe keep your phone in your own pocket.

Anita Chinedu