Eons ago it seems, love letters were scented. Now they have become screenshots of transfer. From, “I miss you,” to “I sent you something small” relationship in modern Nigeria is shifting and nobody is really sure if that is a glow up or a glitch.

We are in the era of alert love, most especially in Nigeria. Dating often feels like a fintech partner with extra kisses, but a ₦20,000 surprise for breakfast? That’s the new romance. For many, it’s not about being materialistic, it a survival thing and money has found a way to creep into the heart of intimacy.

Soft life or high price?

 If we are being honest, there is nothing wrong with financial support in a relationship because care can be expressed through actions, and with the economy, money is action. But where does it leave genuine connection, emotional vulnerability, and good old compatibility?

It has gotten to the point where affection is performative. If he is not sending you money weekly, does he even love you? If she is not posting the gifts you bought her online with the caption, “my man my man my man,” is it even real, or could she be involved with multiple partners, and does not want to run the risk of alienating any one of them?

The pressure is getting worse from social media, friends, content creators, lifestyle influencers who equate love with lifestyle. The narrative is a clear one: “Love is sweet o but when money enter love is sweeter.”  This narrative is also pushing expectations that can be unrealistic at times especially for young people navigating dating while trying to make ends meet.

Also read: Four Dating Green Flags in a Relationship

Who is Losing?

 Men are tired. Women too are tired. Everyone is side-eyeing everyone.

Some women are labelled “gold diggers” for asking, while some men are labelled “stingy”  for not offering. There is silent resentment and mistrust, that make relationships feel more like sponsorships. Partnering now somehow feel like a negotiation. “If I spend this much money on her, she better not disappoint me.” Or, “If he is not spending, why I’m wasting my time with him. What does he bring to the table?”

The table itself is infact under financial review.

And yes, while some of this is driven by hard economic realities, a deeper question is being asked? When did genuine affection stop being enough?

Also Read: When a partner cheats, do this instead of risking more hurt

Is there a way back?

This is in no way about demonising money in relationships but about balance, it’s about understanding that the good old emotional safety, honesty, shared values, and consistency should still matter in relationships. That being present is as important as being generous. That a man’s worth is not only measured by his wallet and a woman’s worth is not measured by her maintenance bill.

It is about remembering that love does not always have to cost a thing; or at least, not everything.

Last Word, not last love

The point here is one is not being advised not to send financial support because, sometimes, love does show up with a bank alert. But let it be an extension of your heart, not a replacement for it. Let affection be tender, not transactional. Because when love becomes a ledger, something sacred about it will be lost.

Yes, gift generously, give with  joy, and give with all your heart, but don’t forget the little things that cost nothing, the listening ear, the shared silence, the hand held in hard times. Because, at the end of the day, when the alerts stop ringing, and the lifestyle fades, what remains should still feel like love.

Anita Chinedu