“I love you, but I am not in love with you,” words that brought a fully grown Nigerian to their knees. After imagining moments where you get breakfast in bed, the dinner dates, the money bouquet, you get a text saying “I am ready to go back to my ex”, or “I don’t think I am ready for a relationship,” and your heart is shattered.

While these many breakfast stories are amusing to read, beneath the humour, they pose a growing syndrome: that young Nigerians are becoming less and less interested in long-term romantic relationships, and we have decided to take a look at some of the leading causes of this by asking these Nigerians their reasons.

Commitment issues or communication issues

“Being in a relationship is exhausting” is one of the most widely used lines when young Nigerians are asked why they do not want to get involved in long-term relationships. But are relationships truly more exhausting? Or are people just choosing to avoid their avoidant attachment sides?

In recent times, people have been known to leave relationships for no clear reasons. Sometimes, it is financial instability. Other times, they find the person less attractive, or they just feel the need to be alone.

Dom, a lady of 22 years, explained why she left her boyfriend of three years:

“I could not match his energy. I was not ready to be committed fully, even when I knew he was ready to marry me. We started having more arguments, and I ultimately decided I would have to leave. Looking back now, it is not the best decision. I wish I could go back and make things right sometimes, but what is gone is gone.”

Also Read: When love and genotype do not match

Research has also shown that relationships are more prone to breaking up when there is a lack of proper communication or miscommunication between partners. Many Nigerians are not used to proper communication due to their backgrounds, and these attitudes often follow them into relationships.

Clara, another lady of 24 years, said,

“My boyfriend leaves me in the dark about almost everything he is doing. He does not tell me anything at all. Most times, I have to ask over and over for every little thing, and it is really exhausting. We are two people in the relationship, but he makes it feel like I am just a side piece in the whole thing.”

The urge to practice independence in a relationship is one of the causes that has rooted out bonds, which were once thought to last forever.

Widespread cases of cheating

Cheating has become so normalised in our society that many people do not even see it as an act of betrayal anymore. People now justify cases of cheating on social media, with excuses like “men are wired to cheat”, “Okafor’s law”, etc.

Rita, a student, explained how she found out her boyfriend was on the verge of cheating,

“He hid it so well. He did the things a good boyfriend would do: bought flowers, a money bouquet, invested in my lash tech business, and was always over the world about me. I found out he had been seeing another girl when he left his other phone unlocked, and I saw a text from a certain girl that was too familiar. When I confronted him, he simply said he felt more peace from her, and he had been rethinking our relationship. I was devastated.”

Posts about cheating now make up most of what appears on our social media feeds. Many young people are beginning to go with the notion that it is better to engage in short-term involvements like friends with benefits, sneaky links, or even one-night stands than long-term relationships.

“It mostly turns out to be a waste of time and effort,” Dayo said.

The disregard for genuine bonds has become so rampant in our society. A fear of betrayal has crept in unnoticed, and nothing is being done to educate the younger population.

Fear and indecision also hold shares in the breakup industry

“She said she was ready for a relationship after talking for close to four months. I thought she was fully in, like I was. We practically looked like any of the couples out there. It was a lesson not to assume anything with anyone ever again,” Ade narrated bitterly

Young Nigerians now hide an inner fear of being deceived or led on in relationships. This has been contributed to by past experiences, trauma events, or even personal decisions to avoid the heartbreak that comes with them.

Sometimes, it could be fear, and other times, a lack of trust in the person doing the asking.

Growing apart is also a thing

Misaligned goals, incompatible values, and different plans have also been found to have led to the separation of many Nigerian couples.

“We were the perfect partners ever. But, he had to leave the country to further his education, and that naturally became the cause of the end of our relationship,” Tonia said.

It is undeniable that many would have gotten married, but for their incompatibility in areas like religion, career, ambition, and genotype, among others. Even social factors like moving to another institution or going abroad have turned out to be causes of separation.

The point is, sometimes, it is not the ugly causes that end the relationship, but the unremovable blockers that need to be taken into consideration, in order to avoid resenting each other in the future.

These couples realised that it is impossible to change some aspects of the life of their partners, and as much as they wanted it to work, they had to end the relationship and take their chances with other people.

Love should not have limiters

From observations, we have gathered that these are some of the reasons why young Nigerians have been avoiding long-term relationships in recent times.

However, apart from extreme factors like cheating, other factors can be worked on with proper communication. While it is important to know when to walk away, love should be given a chance if it can. In fact, it should be given a chance.

Meiza Nigeria