In many Nigerian families, the mother-in-law is a revered figure, often holding significant influence over the family dynamics. For young wives, entering into this new family structure can be daunting, especially when faced with a mother-in-law whose expectations seem insurmountable. The key to overcoming these challenges lies in understanding, patience, and strategic communication.

I’d never allow my son [to] put me before his wife, I have a husband who already puts me first. I’m his mother, not his life partner; he can come to me if need be but his wife comes first. My daughter-in-law is also my daughter, there will be no competition between us.

This tweet by MadamUfuomaa captures the feelings of a younger woman who is busy setting a more positive agenda for her future relationship with a daughter-in-law.

I'd never allow my son put me before his wife, I have a husband who already puts me first, I'm his mother not his life partner, he can come to me if need be but his wife comes first.

My daughter-in-law is also my daughter, there will be no competition between us. https://t.co/N78caNzA8d

— OMOTÉ-URHOBO 👑 (@MadamUfuomaa) May 8, 2023

A narrative encapsulating the journey of a young wife, Adaku – meaning one born into wealth in Igbo -, as she navigates a complex relationship with her Yoruba mother-in-law, Mama Gbemi, 58, illustrates how to win hearts through practical steps.

Before tying the knot with her husband, Adaku had always heard tales about dreaded mother-in-laws, but nothing could have prepared her for the reality of Mama Gbemi. From the moment she married Akintunde, his mum had a list of expectations that stretched from Lagos to Abuja waiting. The new wife felt overwhelmed by this, but she was determined to find common ground nonetheless.

The first step she took was to understand this second mother of hers. She realised that the high standards stemmed from a place of love for her son and a desire to maintain cultural traditions.

With this in mind, the young wife approached her with respect and a willingness to learn, asking for guidance on family recipes and customs.

Patience was Adaku’s next tool. She knew that building a relationship would take time, so she remained patient, even when Mama Gbemi criticised her cooking or housekeeping. Instead of reacting defensively, Ada listened and showed appreciation for the feedback, using it as an opportunity to improve.

Communication was crucial. Adaku found that having open and honest conversations with Mama Gbemi about her struggles and aspirations helped bridge the gap between them. She expressed her commitment to the family and her respect for Mama Gbemi’s role in it, which slowly softened her mother-in-law’s heart.

Adaku also sought to find common interests with Mama Gbemi, such as a shared love for a particular soap opera or market. These shared activities provided a neutral ground for them to bond and enjoy each other’s company without the pressure of family expectations.

Importantly, the young wife did not try to change Mama Gbemi or force a relationship. She understood that respect was a two-way street and that her mother-in-law would also need time to adjust to her as a new family member. She remained true to herself, upholding her values and boundaries, which ultimately earned Mama Gbemi’s respect.

ALSO READ: Daddy G.O’s charm that makes marriage feel like walking heaven on earth

Over time, the small steps Adaku took began to pay off. Mama Gbemi started to see her not just as the woman who married her son, but as a valuable and loved member of the family. She began to praise Adaku’s efforts to friends and relatives, a sure sign of her approval.

In the end, Adaku’s consistent approach of understanding, patience, and communication allowed her to not only overcome the complex relationship with her mother-in-law but also to win her heart. It wasn’t an easy journey, but it was one that taught her the power of empathy and the strength of perseverance.

It may take time, but these practical steps can help turn a tight shoe into a comfortable fit for the journey ahead.

Meiza Nigeria