If you grew up in a typical Nigerian home, there are certain people you simply cannot call by their first name. It does not matter if they tell you, “Call me by my name.” You may try it once, but somehow “Sir” still finds its way into the sentence.

Then you enter the workplace, and suddenly the workplace culture requires you to address everyone by their names; that is where things can get interesting.

A young woman at UBA’s Graduate Management Accelerated Programme graduation found herself in exactly that situation last month. During an interaction at the August 20 event, she greeted UBA Group Chairman Tony Elumelu with, “Good morning, Tony.”

He stopped her and said she should call him “Mr Elumelu” or “TOE”, adding that he did not subscribe to that kind of “Oyinbo life.” She immediately corrected herself and continued with her question.

On the surface, it is a simple exchange. Someone addressed a senior person in a way he did not like, he corrected her, and she adjusted.

Some people thought she was plainly disrespectful. Others thought the reaction was unnecessary. Some pointed out that first-name culture is common in parts of Nigeria’s corporate world, particularly in banking and consulting.

Some of us were raised one way and employed another way

Think about the first week at a new job. Your manager says, “Hi, I am David.” The truth is, your mouth may hear David, but your upbringing is still saying Sir.

We are increasingly working in environments where hierarchy is deliberately softened. Younger employees are encouraged to speak to senior executives. Managers want their teams to feel comfortable asking questions. Companies talk about open communication and collaboration.

Also Read: Is there actually a black sheep in the family?

So when a young Nigerian enters a corporate environment where first names are normal, there can be a cultural adjustment, especially when the person standing in front of you is older, senior and used to being addressed as Chairman, Mr Elumelu or Sir.

That is why it may be difficult to say with certainty that the UBA trainee was being disrespectful. She may have been following what she understood to be the workplace culture of the organisation she had just spent months training in. At the same time, it is also understandable that someone in a senior position may expect a different form of address, particularly during a formal event. Both things can be true, and that distinction matters.

What exactly are the rules at work?

If a company has a first-name culture, does that mean everyone automatically gets to call everyone by their first name? Apparently not.

Some people argued that the trainee may simply have been applying the culture she had been taught within the organisation. From that perspective, addressing a senior executive by his first name may not have been intended as disrespect.

Others disagreed. Their argument was simple: there are certain situations where you should know better. You are standing before the chairman of the bank at a formal event. Even if your workplace normally uses first names, “Good morning, sir” would have been safer.

That position is also understandable, because workplace culture does not erase Nigerian culture overnight. There are still moments where people are expected to recognise age, position and formality. The problem is that reading the room is much easier when the room has clearly communicated what its rules are.

This is where the difference between general workplace culture and individual preference becomes important. A company may encourage informality, while a particular executive may still prefer to be addressed by a title or surname. Employees may therefore have to navigate both the organisation’s broader culture and the preferences of the people they work with.

Respect should not become a public humiliation

The young woman became a social media character almost overnight. People questioned her upbringing. Some mocked her. Others treated the incident as evidence of everything supposedly wrong with young Nigerians.

At the same time, others saw the incident as a reminder that confidence and familiarity are not always the same thing, and that employees still need to understand when a situation calls for greater formality.

The trainee made a mistake, or at the very least, made a choice that the person she was addressing did not appreciate. When he corrected her, she corrected herself.

There is a difference between pointing out that an employee used an inappropriate form of address and making assumptions about the kind of person she is or how she was raised.

A senior executive is perfectly entitled to decide how they want to be addressed. If Mr Elumelu wants “Mr Elumelu” or “TOE”, then that is what people should call him.

At the same time, a young employee can reasonably be expected to learn and adapt to the preferences of the people around them, especially in formal settings. Neither expectation has to cancel out the other. Nigerian workplaces are changing, but our upbringing has not necessarily changed with them.

We are raising children to respect elders and authority while sending them into workplaces that increasingly encourage informality and equality. We tell them to speak up, but also to know their place. We tell them to be confident, but not too familiar.

So perhaps the lesson from the UBA incident is not simply that young people should learn manners. It may also be that companies need to be clearer about what their culture actually means.

If you are told to call your boss by their first name, you should reasonably be able to understand that this is acceptable within that workplace. But if a particular person prefers a title or surname, employees should also be prepared to respect that preference when it becomes clear.

At the end of the day, the trainee said “Tony”. Elumelu said, essentially, “No, call me Mr Elumelu or TOE.” She said, “Good morning, Mr Elumelu.”

Maybe the bigger lesson is that workplace culture and upbringing will sometimes collide, especially in a country where respect for age and authority remains deeply ingrained. The important part is knowing how to navigate that difference: employees have to learn the rules of the workplace, while workplaces also have a role in making those rules clear.

Meiza Nigeria